i just wanna soil my oats bro
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
