Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
