She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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