this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
