she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Randomize
