so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
