i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
