We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
