Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
