So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
