My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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