Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
