So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
