its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
