I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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