My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
