Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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