he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
