1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
