I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
