you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
