I forgot how hot balto sounded
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
