when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
