i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
