Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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