we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
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