You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
