Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
