neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
