she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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