I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
