I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
