there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
