Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
