you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
