You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
