once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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