Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
