I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
