Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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