My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
