BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
