So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
