He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
