she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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