So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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