Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize