Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
