Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
