I think I am morally bankrupt
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
