note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I will pee on everything he values.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
