Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
