I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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