clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Everclear isn't food dammit
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
