if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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