I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So. Much. Porn.
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